Navigating my Desire for Spontaneous Intimacy Whilst Seeking a Meaningful Relationship
Being a homosexual male approaching 50, I’ve spent many, largely pleasurable years engaging in casual sex with other men since the age of 19. During my fourth decade, I had a committed partnership which continued for four years, but it never fully satisfied me, because I felt neither loved nor sexually nourished. The fact is that my constant desire has been for uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I start to date any man, once the newness fades, an impulse arises to be intimate with new partners once more.
Reflecting on the Possibility of Monogamy
I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to maintain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that numerous homosexual males engage in open relationships, but from my observations, they appear demanding, frequently resulting in lots of heartache and envy among all parties. In many ways, I desire another man to care for me while allowing me to remain sexually free, however I dread to imagine the emotional drain this would cause. Is it best to keep having casual sex and acknowledge that a lasting partnership is not possible? I’m feeling a bit lost.
Each individual's sexual journey fluctuates. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to tolerate various forms of sexual unions in a finite way. Your needs in your current state could easily shift down the road; at a certain time you may find yourself more decisive and find some clarity and a suitable route … or not. One day you might meet a person offering a transformative opportunity to you through mirroring your desires in a holistic fashion … and later on you might decide that non-committal encounters are best for you. Worrying about the future and playing the “What if?” game is simply rooted in fear and squandering of your efforts. Aim to stay present with your partners, and see the value of each person you connect with intimately an intimate bond. If and when the time is right to deepen genuine closeness with one partner, you will know.
- The psychotherapist is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating intimacy issues.
