These Advice from My Dad That Saved Me as a Brand-New Dad

"I believe I was merely just surviving for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood.

However the reality quickly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health complications during the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver while also looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… every stroll. The duty of mother and father," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his father, on a park bench, that helped him see he required support.

The simple statement "You are not in a healthy space. You require some help. How can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His situation is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now more accustomed to addressing the strain on mums and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties fathers face.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his struggles are part of a broader inability to talk among men, who often hold onto damaging ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It's not a show of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - most notably in front of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental health is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the space to request a pause - taking a couple of days away, outside of the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he needed to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the day-to-day duties of caring for a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son better understand the language of emotion and interpret his parenting choices.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without consistent male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, deep-held trauma caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "bad decisions" when he was younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the anguish.

"You gravitate to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Tips for Managing as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, speak to a family member, your spouse or a professional about your state of mind. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the things that allowed you to feel like yourself before having a baby. Examples include playing sport, socialising or playing video games.
• Look after the body - a good diet, getting some exercise and if you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is doing.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - listening to their stories, the messy ones, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - looking after you is the most effective way you can support your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the death, having had no contact with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead offer the security and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the feelings in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their struggles, altered how they communicate, and learned to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, at times I think my role is to instruct and tell you what to do, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering as much as you are through this experience."